Welcome. You all know what this is, and if you don't, then you suck. I'm going to call this Final Fantasy VI because that's what it is, god fucking damn it. It's Final Fantasy III here because II, III, and V were not released here (US for you foreign readers. Europeans, you had to wait one more game. Europeans, I pity you). II is horribly broken, and if you want to see someone play it, watch HCBailly play it. III, while the best of the NES games, was probably too late in the NES's lifetime for Square to bother with a translation. It wasn't a big loss, not like Tales of Phantasia. V wasn't released here because of this one. This is clearly the superior game and you have to wait until XII to play something this good in the Final Fantasy series.
Piss! Wank! Fuck! Arse! Battletoads! And other things. It keeps exiting the damn emulator when I try to take a screenshot.
Ok, now, I solved the problem, and you have a fancier title to look at instead of that minimalistic title screen that I actually assumed was a problem with the ROM, given that Final Fantasy IV isn't white and even has a sword replacing the t. This one's a ® rather than a ™ as well.
A rather unique puzzle that would not be out of place in King's Quest V, turns out I accidentally pressed something in the configure controls setup and messed it up.
Here's another thing that would be more fitting in a game where they try to cover up design flaws by claming they're part of the game (Sonic 3 did that, but I've never actually encountered one of Robotnik's diabolical traps - someone implies that it involves getting rid of Tails for good in the Marble Garden Zone, making the boss impossible. Also, using a Game Genie to start and stay a various type of Mario has a bug in which you can't get through the door unless you hold up, they call it Bowser's Time Trap), the "skipping the intro when you try to press the buttons that take a screenshot puzzle."
The solution, by the way, is to either switch player one and two, or mess around with the controls.
Switching the controls has a more prosaic solution in Mario's Wacky Worlds, where it's actually part of the gimmick.
By the way, you can see a mysterious figure running around on the ziggurat.
As for why I'm writing a guide even though there is already one, you know what? Mine's better. I won't say this is the best Final Fantasy guide ever, even armed with my superior knowledge of vintage Mac games and my willingness to finish it even faced with Civilization II. But I will say that the Final Fantasy VI guide I read was a big fat suck. I'm justified in saying that since it looks like something the average Gamingforce member would come up with. It's even worse than the mid-level suck masquerading as a Chrono Trigger playthrough.
Wedge is named after Wedge Antilles.
Vicks is a mistranslation of Biggs as in Biggs Darklighter, as Biggs' part in Star Wars was greatly reduced and Ted Woolsey didn't have a copy of the Star Wars novelization. Get used to these Star Wars references, guys. You'll see a lot of them. Make a drinking game out of it or something.
The mysterious woman is... I'm not going to tell you yet.
Right now, she has no will of her own. So she won't be pulling that again.
Enjoy the intro and the theme music.