I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, for he is Sabin, the strongest man in the world!
Pfah. He's Sabin, the strongest man in the world!
"I am no mere lawnmower repairman. I am Sabin, the strongest man in the world!"
He's Sabin...
STOP SAYING THAT! You are not Artie!
This guy's more senile than Ronald Reagan was when he was president. Don't think he's an automaton, though. And I doubt he's very significant.
Shadow and his doggy (I knew someone with a dog named Shadow) are outside. If you talk to the doggy, he will scare Sabin and Sabin will hide. And he calls himself Sabin, the strongest man in the world. Shadow's yours, now. He's armed with an Imperial, which I suppose is the standard soldier's weapon. It's a kunai in Japan, the standard ninja weapon. Buy 99 shurikens. Also, you are in no way required to have Shadow to proceed, I just strongly recommend it.
Advantages: Can throw things. His doggy, appropriately named Interceptor can attack enemies after blocking damage. He's a ninja.
Disadvantages: Prone to leaving without warning. Interceptor is random and can be lost permanently due to a bug later in the game. Expensive.
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: On a scale of one to awesome, I give Shadow an 8
Beakor (no bunsen?) is that... uh... I think he's a turkey vulture in a poncho. I thought he was a bug at first. He has an attack called Duster, which poisons you.
Rhobite reminds me of Rabite. He's uninteresting.
Crasshopprs are flying, but you don't care unless you have Suplex, because flying means you can't suplex them. Shadow used an invis edge to cause every attack to miss. Except for magic attacks, which now always hit and make you visible.
Stray Cat is a unremarkable enemy that you nonetheless want to fight and you do not want to leave the area if you haven't fought a stray cat. You'll find out later.
You arrive at an Imperial outpost. You might be thinking something. Don't say it. Internet jokes have a tendency to be run into the fucking ground within a month.
Edgar isn't the only one who thinks Kefka needs a brain specialist.
He needs more than a brain specialist, he needs a loony detector van.
Isn't he already a general?
Kefka lacks Dream's ability to appear at the worst moment for those two soldiers. Lucky for them.
The soldier tries to get by with flattery.
"I'm no who?"
Strangely, nobody has mentioned the third person we've seen in the flashback with Terra.
His name is Cyan Garamonde. Like the pepper in Japan and the color in English. Cyan's the quintessential example of a great character who isn't anything special in game. He's not as bad as Edward, but he still a mere slightly improved Cecil in a world of Terra Branfords instead of Rydias.
Advantages: High defense, so just slap some good armor and a True Knight on him and have him defend critical characters.
Disadvantages: SwdTech is slow. By the time he gets the swordtech gauge up to 7 or 8, someone's going to end up dead. Hell, Cyan is slow in general.
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3
There are soldiers. They're nothing interesting.
This guy is Leader. He makes thunder and lightning and invented Morse Code. Except not really. He uses fight and axe. Once he's dead, the soldiers will turn tail and flee. I guess it's because they only thought to attack Cyan in twos.
You've seen these guys. I'm just showing off the background.
I managed to get ahead of myself and miss a scene where Sabin imitates a kitten to trick an Imperial guard (and it works. He's been hanging around Kefka and is beginning to go slightly cuckoo) or kick a box and attract the attention of a doberman. Damn. Sorry. Good thing the only thing I care about that I lost is a complete rage list. It's early enough in the game to just leg it through a few dungeons and storyline.
Uh oh. Guess who's in charge now.
Leo is the Empire's equivalent of Erwin Rommel.
If you thought that mysterious woman would take over, guess again.
Kefka's a proponent of the Tancredo Doctrine.
But then again, so many people in real life find this doctrine acceptable.
Kefka's just more quotable than the rest of them.
If you wait, Kefka clonks you on the head with his flail.
So attack him before he does.
No, you look like the Emperor's court jester. Maybe a waiter at a circus-themed restaurant. Like if McDonalds had waiters. Their food is certainly poisonous, at least, it was back in the 90s. I think everyone just went there for the Happy Meals, you know.
Repeat once.
In the meanwhile, here's the first privately owned satellite to go in to space. It really does look like that, except there are claws on this one and the actual Telstar was less steampunk and more 60s bland. What are they doing with Telstar? Nefarious things, of course! Instead of transmitting telephone calls, it now uses dischord to half someone's level, calls in soldiers to help it, counters Blitz with Megazerk, SonicBlast, Missile, Tek Laser, Schiller and ordinary fight. You get a Green Beret for your troubles.
Not another one of these. What a toad.
Except not really. He sends two soldiers and two Templars after you instead. Templars are, well, awesome. Not in this battle, but a bit later, you will be very glad to encounter one.
It came out a bit muffled, since the King is face down in the carpet.
It tastes... like... burning.
You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun.
Cyan finds out his wife and son have succumbed to Kefka's poison. He swears revenge, but he has to leave.
He meets up with Sabin and Shadow. He fights automatically here, using dispatch 1/3 of the time. Or something very close to 1/3 of the time.
These guys are grunts.
And that guy is a Cadet. He does nothing important and Locke is not around, so just beat the crap out of him.
For some reason, possibly one relating to his mustache and a pencil sharpener, Cyan has a phobia of machinery.
This is why it's impossible to hate this scenario, despite the lack of multi-target attacks. You get to mess around with a Magitek armor for a while, but no X-Fer or BioBlaster because you don't have Terra. As for the enemies, you've seen both Soldiers and M-TekArmrs before. You know what they do. It's time to move on.