Let's stop at Doma Castle, where Cyan goes to bed and you lie awake wondering why brachiosaurs have ribbons and why Mordack would hire security that, despite being able to make spacetime rifts that lead to the dungeon, is stopped by peas. Or for that matter, why he needs security and a dungeon at all if he can force choke. Or why he has the dungeon in the first place instead of just dropping them off a cliff.

Curley? Hey, that isn't Final Fantasy, that's the Three Stooges. Damn smoke pellets.

They're a lot like the Magus Sisters.

Inside Cyan's head is an M.C. Escher style maze. I brought Gogo in to show you something. If he's not in the lead and you see him, he'll be using Mog's palette.

Allosaurus lives inside Cyan, although you see him in the colosseum. According to the bestiary, which seems to ignore the fact that they are a figment of Cyan's imagination and repressed fear of the rides at Dinoland Amusement Park, they are ordinarily human and transform into a dinosaur. Nothing to do with the dinosaur forest, as you can access this place before even seeing the Dinosaur Forest. They'll use PoisonClaw and Virite, even though there's no evidence that dinosaurs are poisonous. Unlike China, Japan does not have dinosaurs up the wazoo. I guess they can be forgiven when they learn about dinosaurs from Jurassic Park and The Land Before Time.

They float about blind, stinging people in the seas, and nobody eats parasites with chips and mushy peas. They're like aspiks. They're just a blob. They use mind stop and giga volt. What's weird is that Cyan has parasites.

Cyan also has Pandora's box and critics riding tapirs.

Critics are unique, in that they have no palette swap, but they are sprites from Final Fantasy V modified to be riding tapirs, which in Japanese belief are called baku and eat dreams. Neil Gaiman's The Dream Hunters has them. They're not evil, as they eat both pleasant dreams and nightmares. Critic showed more skin in Japan and use things like roulette and L? Pearl, Slip Seed (seizure status) and fight and condemned (third turn only)

Pandoras we know about. Oddly enough, they are undead and are unassuming, but do use the dreaded Evil Toot and Absolute 0. Revenge too, but who cares?

Methinks Cyan has some issues with his sexuality as well. Barb-E uses Love Token. That's essentially using True Knight on an enemy. It ignores most things you use, so who cares. As you can see, or not, she uses imp too.

yellow fever again.

Dream Stooges smell like colors. If you don't have all three characters here, you don't advance.

It's Larry, Curley, and Moe. They're a lot like the Magus Sisters and the moons-pigs-whatever the fuck they were in Final Fantasy V. Curley needs to die. Otherwise, he'll use life 2 and pearl wind and likes to throw status ailments at you. Curley is weak to ice and water. However, Larry absorbs it. Moe absorbs lightning and doesn't have a weakness. You don't want Gau casting spells, in other words. Oh, you can risk using Ice 3 to eliminate Curley as fast as possible, but you might end up healing Larry. Larry's weak.

Their delta attack is a lot less lame. It petrifies. Whatever, this battle is easy. You don't get anything, but you do move on.

We're back on the Phantom Train.

Battle palettes are normal, unlike out of battle. Samurai have horrid defense. They'll use Fatal on their second turn if you let them live that long.

Rain Man is not a Mega Man boss! It's a movie. And it's one of these guys. Umbrawler makes you sleep. I guess he put sleeping gas in one of his umbrellas. How very Penguin-like. He also makes it rain, so he's a bit like Toad Man. Minerva, however.

Suriander... haven't we seen this guy before? Sneeze as a counter, yawn to make you sleep, blah blah blah, weak to Pearl. Our heroes are getting Evil Tooted and I'm sleep deprived so I'm going to pause for a day and get back to this.

There's a train that you can't get in to and there are some ungood scary ghosts, and the background has little to do with the Phantom Forest.

Here, you have to move around the holes and the furniture with switches. There's a genji glove. There's a flame shield. There's an ice shield. There's nothing essential. Lamplighters lamplighters lamplighters lamplighters lamplighters lamplighters lamplighters lamplighters and then they went away.

Go in to he engine room. Play around with the switches if you want, as the do absolutely nothing. When you leave

You get to mess around in a Magitek Armor! Use Palidor to jump where you never dreamt of jumping! Gogo is helpless without having one of his abilities set to fight. Umaro will randomly use a beam. Not a great idea, really. Everything here's a machine, and you should be using bolt beam. A berserked character will do the same.

Fight Io! Really, fight him. Gau will be your friend after you do so, as he'll have access to Flare Star. Uwaa-oooh. Lamplighter. Io's this bigass crawler robot named for a moon of Jupiter. It crushes. It fights. On the fourth turn, it uses either Wave Cannon or Diffuser.

Here, it's using wave cannons. Fortunately, your stats are determined by character stats and equipment, not by an inherent set of stats for the armor.

PlutoArmor uses fight and crash and Tek Laser. If it's alone, it will use launcher, shrapnel, and tek laser. Launcher, by the way, is 8 concecutive Demi attacks. Since this is Final Fantasy VI, it can't kill you, merely leave you mostly harmless.

Sky Cap is not named for any sort of celestial body. He'll r. polarity and he'll Tek Laser and alone he'll missile you and use his SlipAnchor to set seizure.

And you end up here. Cyan's not around and the palette is all weird.

We're still inside his mind. dada dadada dada dadadadadada.

A harsh necessity without discipline or morality and we spit on humanity. Dada remains within the European frame of weaknesses it's shit after all but from now on we mean to shit in assorted colors and bedeck the artistic zoo with the flags of every consulate

Dada is not madness - or wisdom - or irony take a good look at me kind bourgeois Art was a game of trinkets children collected words with a tinkling on the end then they went and shouted stanzas and they put a little doll's shoes on the stanza and the stanza turned into a queen to die a little and the queen turned into a wolverine and the children ran till they all turned green

this is

this is a dream

Then came the great Ambassadors of sentiment and exclaimed historically in chorus psychology psychology heehee

Someone left Star Wars on.

Wrexsoul looks like one of those Empire elite forces.

You're going to fight him. When he possesses you using an attack called Zinger, he disappears from the battlefield until the possessee dies. Soulsavers are those other things, and you need Mr. Antipyrine, Fire Extinguisher to get rid of them, but Mr. Antipyrine is on his first celestial adventure right now, so you should just ignore them (Minerva makes you immune to them) and concentrate on either the possessee or WrexSoul. I think he uses KarmicBlow to condemn you. Never seen it happen. When Locke is possessed, shove a drill up his ass, but bring him back if you want a Memento Ring. Wrexsoul has a high magic defense, but is weak to ice. If you brought Strago, try Exploder. If you ignored everything I said and brought Gau, use a rage that makes him explode. But only if he's the first to get Zingered. He goes from top to bottom.

If you can't figure it out, X-Zone works as well. You are screwed out of a Pod Bracelet.

He's a failure, even in his own dreams.

You get an Aura knife and a bunch of sword tech skills that are slower than powering up weapons in Secret of Mana that you'll never use.

And you get the Magicite Alexander, which is actually useful. Alexander gives you Pearl. His attack Justice is pretty useful as well. It's your only chance to use a multi-target pearl spell.