Terra's in a snit. I know she doesn't live anywhere near California, Florida, or Arizona, but it's the principle of the thing! She's been talking about finding love for so long, and Celes drags her here to find Locke. Well, they're not going to be in the same party, partially because one tremendously hardcore spell caster per group is enough, and they're in Phoenix Cave, and we all know what Phoenix did to her chances of finding love. Terra's going to take out her anger on these monsters.

Trixter is probably a bit of a twink himself, but Terra's a bit like Demeter when mad. Since this is a fire cave, like Demeter, Terra's going to be punishing people with ice. Trixter loves casting fire 2, and bouncing cure spells off you when you're reflecting. Don't reflect him to bounce heal spells off of him. Else he casts fire 3. Um, don't you have flame shields? You don't need those cure spells or reflect spells anyway.

Necromancers, sayeth the Anthology, are ordinary humans who've been thwaked with a ZombiStick. They'll use ZombiStick themselves. Damaging it causes it to counter with Demi or Quartr. Even worse, when alone, they'll start chucking doom, x-zone, and flare at you. Kill them first. Life works wonders.

Chaos Drgn is not one of the eight Dragons, he's just an enemy. A dinosaur that's been mistaken for a dragon, in fact. Most of the time, it's docile, but occasionally, it uses Disaster (I'll show that off later) and cinderizer, which kills you.

Sea Flower doesn't live in the sea. They have a lot of HP and they can poison you with thier feelers. Use lightning.

Uroburos is like Bloompire, only not undead. Same high defense and everything. It uses bio and Doom Touch to set zombie.

By the way, Relm is around not because she's a tremendously hardcore spell caster, but because she's a tremendously hardcore spell caster who needs the levels and I didn't want to bring Umaro around.

Phase fights. Phase smirks. Phase uses Blow Fish when alone.

I don't think there are any questions about Parasoul's sexuality. However, that's not going to stop Terra, and besides, Parasoul wants you dead and will use Spin Slice to confuse you. They use Flash Rain every second turn, unless alone, where they will use El Nino. Nonetheless, they're weak against ice.

Aquila is a constellation, and shares its name with both AryanaAquila who insulted Terra's mom and a monster that has a rare Economizer. Flap hurts. Cyclonic hurts. Shimsham is mildly annoying.

Red Dragon is one of the eight Dagrons. Since he's fire-based, you can equip lots of things to protect yourself from his attacks. Minerva for Celes, flame shields for Edgar and Sabin, Cat Hood for Relm. Red Dragon favors fire 2 and fireball at first, and eventually starts throwing fire 3 and flare at you. Every 40 seconds, he'll chuck a Flare Star, S. Cross (a constellation visible from the southern hemisphere) or L.4 Flare.

If you're reflecting, Red Dragon will use Eraser on you to remove it. For winning, you are awarded with a Strato.

Once you've won, find the items and Locke. Locke already obtained the treasure, but it's yours afterwards.

You get the Phoenix esper as well, which brings the dead back to life and does not deal fire damage to enemies as I initially thought. If they're mostly dead, anyway. More importantly, it can be used to learn the supremely awesome Life 3 spell. Speaking of mostly dead, let's try to bring Rachel back to life.

Once, it had the power to bring back the All Dead, and they were very surprised to find that people thumbed through their pockets and they had no change. So it was that Charon refused to take any more souls to the underworld.

But maybe with this...

Miracle Max declared himself pope. Even with the cracks, it might not work perfectly. He's already replaced Rachel's liver with that fluffy tuft from the Build A Bear Workshop.

It reveals a giant firebird. This is redundant.

I can't... talk... much longer... someone replaced ... my... heart... with... a coke can... and some rubber tubing and... silly straws.

He thinks he's MacGyver...

"No, she's all dead. ALL DEAD." while choking her with her own intestines he put in a jar near the flowers.

I thought of something spoilerriffic for another game, but I don't want to put it here. She's all dead now, by the way. Nothing to do. Locke already thumbed through her pockets. You don't want to know, even when you think you do.

Locke is taking this rather well, isn't he?

I still don't think Celes and Rachel are anything alike. Hey, didn't I promise to take down Hidon?

Yes I did. We're greeted at Ebot's Rock by a talking treasure chest. FEED ME. I EAT CORAL.

You need twenty-two (22) pieces of coral to get by. If you give him 21 coral and go back to get more coral, it resets.

If you give him >21 coral and go back to get more coral, it resets. And he calls you a skinflint. Man, I'd rather have him around than Duh Kurnel calling me a mouthbreather or something lamearse like that. Bah, what a dill weed. TextEdit agrees with me, as skinflint is a real word. It means a miser. The kind of person who would paw through other peoples' garbage to save money.

Warp around the map and find coral and meet enemies along the way. Warlock uses pearl and tries to regain his MP with MagicDrain. High defense and high magic defense.

Eland is Dutch for moose and an antelope, which means it makes sense to name a naked and fat dwarf who looks like someone spliced the genes of Rydia and put it into Despair. They'll use their armpit Stench to set confuse, and have access to bio if you sketch them.

Cluck is a ChickenLip with a new palette. They'll use quake and Lick (petrifies).

Hippocampus is a land seahorse named for a chimerical beast that Poseidon created to combine a fish and a horse, most likely to impress Demeter (no, this does not imply any sort of connection with FFIV and neither does the Eland), and a part of the brain, or probably just a genus of seahorse.

Slatter is a bear. He uses choke and fight and has a cool rage and that's all I'm going to say.

Displayer is more intimidating than he actually is. It likes to use chokesmoke even if you're not KOed, it uses rib to cause damage, and is weak to the typical of undead fire and pearl.

Opinicus is a Perfectly Normal Beast named for a monster with the body of a lion, a camel's tail, and an eagle's head (Wikipedia redirects to Griffin). I don't see what's so Perfectly Normal about them, but what the Almighty Bob wills. It uses battle and riot. It will respond with Wind Slash when Terra makes a connection between that thing and Nick Griffin and uses magic.

After way too much wandering blind, we find Mr. Treasure Chest again. Yes I do.

Beyond is Hidon and the Hidonites. Hidon uses fight and Bio, counters with poison, and resurrects KOed characters with choke smoke, but doesn't waste turns doing it.

Hidonites use... um, who the hell cares?

If Hidon is alone, he'll use Grand Train, which looks absolutely nothing like a train, more like Dark Matter. It does damage and Strago can learn it.

He'll use Virite as well. If he lasts 80 seconds, he'll call some new Hidonites into existence.

As a reward, you get a warp stone and Strago gets a clear conscience. Pfft, I say. Pfft.

You can steal a thornlet from him, if you want to trade it, have a complete collection of items, want to depower Terra or Celes, or make your character Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter. It has the highest defense of any headgear in the game, but it sets seizure and has a magic defense of 0. I can't find anything to suggest that a ribbon helps. I don't care. Magic defense is equally important.

And you know what? You can fight him again! It's pointless, of course, unless you want thornlets to exchange for mirage vests, or you missed Grand Train or something. Go elsewhere for experience, you have to go through that whole coral-spiel again.

This is Final Fantasy, not King's Quest.

I don't care what you say about Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy X doesn't have the William Shatner eagle. Or the squeaky-voiced princess. Or the talking wolf. We're going on some other quests. But not a quest that involves going to the evil wizard's castle where you can run into the cat, who tells the evil warlock you're here before you used the peas on the blue beast, because you need the bag of peas to trap the cat. That's never happened to me, but once the blue beast appeared twice and I got stuck. I had no idea it could happen, seriously. Fuck you, King's Quest. Oh, right, it kicks you out of the game if you use profanity. Felch you. It's a legitimate complaint, doing everything exactly as the programmers want you to do and still get stuck. As far as I checked, it's not a subtle metaphor for real life like PacMan is.

They programmed it so that the cat would only chase the mouse if you had either the stick or the shoe. I propose a.) make sure the cat only appears if you have an empty bag of peas, which will guarantee that you don't encounter him if you haven't knocked out the beast and b.) the beast should not appear if you've knocked him out with the peas. I guess the beast has a chance of appearing in each room, but I think it would require only a few lines of code. Then again, programming is weird and scary and I'm not a programmer.

But before that, here's a Brachiosaur. You can steal ribbons from them, for which to exchange for stuff at the Colosseum, I guess. They have a bit more than 46000 HP, immunity to every status ailment, Swing, which does 6x the damage of an ordinary fight, meteor, disaster, sneeze (which saves your ass, strangely enough), and ultima.

Here is a Brachiosaur using disaster. Disaster sets lots of rather nasty status ailments, along with float for some odd reason. To beat it? How about controlling it and throwing spells at it? Economizer drop as well. Aquila has that as a steal, and it sets the cost of every spell to 1 MP. Not essential as Celes and Terra have more MP than they know what to do with, but nice to have, I suppose. I could use one of those in Final Fantasy IV, thank you very much.