The Narshe guards are now friendly, everyone is together, and Gau does that again. According to that crappy guide where everyone's name is changed, he'll say GAU if you give him any other name. He's probably named for those gau sounds he makes. Yes, I actually bit and looked at it. He doesn't give commentary for that specific scene. Excuse me, I'm going to go wash out my eyes with soap.

What did she do to you, anyway? She seemed utterly unaware that Kefka was using poison.

Oh, I see. That's it; you never really get much in the way of backstory for Celes. By the way, if you exploited the game's coding to ditch Celes, Kutan takes the place of Celes afterwards. Can you think of one good aspect of Kutan? I can't. Do it if you want, it's only slightly less inane than playing with a DDR pad.

Locke isn't happy about this. Also, he just made off with Cyan's wallet.

Nah, with Locke's superior treasure hunter powers, he can get sick of things much quicker than you meatbags.

Meanwhile, Kefka has gathered a force of soldiers and he wants a frozen esper for its powers. He remembered what happens to the last one and figures that throwing more soldiers at it will eventually help. It didn't work for the Russians in Civilization II and it won't work here.

They'll be easy, as long as they still attack only two at a time!

I hate this filthy neutrals, Kif. With enemies you know where they stand; but with neutrals, who knows? It ... sickens me.

I hate hate hate them. They're just so neutral. *shudders*

Wonderful girl. Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to fall in love with her.

Yes, your highnessness.

But I want to be a jedi and have a lightsaber. Vwoom. Vraaaaaam. Vroooom. Vwing.

I think Terra's hitting on her after she saw her brush off Cupid de Locke.

"Well, this one scruffy-looking nerf herder named Edgar decorated his bedroom in velour and told me he had a very sexy learning disability called sexlexia. But I'd just as soon kiss a behemoth."

Cyan's just jealous that he isn't awesome.

Kefka himself is here. And he's so incensed about Narshe's neutrality that he forgets that there's snow in his boots. I think this makes Celes hardcore, since her Empire-issued uniform does not include pants. According to the game, anyway, assuming she didn't make her costume by draping a bed sheet over her back and then pinning some medals (read: bottlecaps) to a swimsuit. According to Amano, she wears pants. Perhaps Locke stole Celes' pants.

Yes, yes it will be and anyone who doesn't think so is neutral. Uwee-hee-hee.

Don't be fooled by everyone being on foot, there are HeavyArmors here when you bump in to brown soldiers. Aside from using Tek Barrier when seeing Celes, they're the same thing you fought in Figaro. If they get to Banon, he channels Star Wars and says "Couldn't hold out!? I have a bad feeling about this..." and you are whisked away to the Game Over screen.

Celes (I'm free... The Empire can't control me!) and Sabin (Master Duncan's techniques mustn't fail me) are fighting a Bounty Man and two Troopers. Bounty Mans are dogs, not mans. In Japan, he's callled a Hunting Hound, which makes more sense. They escape from battle. His rage is the exact same thing as a doberman's.

Troopers counter with swing. That's it.

Fidor is an armored and shaven bulldog that can use pounce occasionally when paired up with a trooper or all the time when alone.

That guy running around Kefka is a Rider. Locke (Bloody Empire!! We are your worst enemy!) is here because Rider has a mithril vest and can use Attack, Silver Pike, Virite, and R. Polarity. That last one switches the row of one character. Virite's a rather inaccurate poison attack.

Your battle with Kefka is rather anticlimactic. Gau can use the Stray Cat rage to make the battle go by much quickly, and Terra (Kefka...He stuck that crown on me?) can use her magic or something. You can steal an ether or maybe even an elixir and get a Peace Ring for beating him. Elixirs do what you think they do and Kefka uses Hit and various spells including drain and muddle. Yawn.

That could be a sitcom if they ever allowed Chester A. Bum near the controls of a video camera.

Guys, it's doing that thing again.

Now she's naked and purple. Please, don't bring that up. He's holding on with both hands and therefore can't fulfill your request for infantile toilet humor. By the way, Banon on a Chocobo results in a horrible palette swap of purple naked Terra.